The only constant thing in my life right now. Everything is crazy.
NYC COUNTDOWN: 42 days
It's all coming too fast, yet not fast enough... right?
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Global Reading Challenge High
Last night Bailey Gatzert Elementary, a school I have tutored at, went to the Global Reading Challenge City Final for the first time in years. I can honestly say that I had a GREAT time!
This past quarter I helped out at Bailey Gatzert by acting as a reading circle book leader. I read two different books, The Warriors and Year of the Dog, with two different groups of 5th grade students. My experience working with these 5th graders was amazing. Bailey Gatzert is one of the schools in Seattle facing numerous educational issues such as a majority of the students receiving free and reduced lunch, segregation, large underprivledge student population and many students in foster care programs. These students were extremely grateful for the fact that I came to hang out and talk books with them, when in fact I am the one who should have been grateful. The students I worked with were very, very bright and excited about learning. At the end of the Global Reading Challenge they made me some 'thank you' cards which I plan to keep forever because they were very meaningful to me.
So once I found out that students from Bailey Gatzert were going to the Global Reading Challege City Final, where 8 other Seattle Public schools competed for the chance to compete with two other schools from Canada and Michigan, I jumped on the chance of showing my support. We rounded up a good group of SU students to go this event. It was amazing! We had huge signs to cheer on Gatzert. One of the students from my reading group was in the 6 person Gatzert team!
While they didn't win it was a great opportunity for me to see how enthusiastic students could be. When I went to say hello to Cindy, the student that had been in my group, she was really excited to see me. She said she wouldn't have ever thought I would come. It made me stoked. All students need is support! It put me in a really good mood. I am more than excited to have my own classroom next year.
Aside from the Global Reading Challenge things are good. I had my first cup of coffee in 7 days after a bet with my roommate. Boy did that soy latte taste great. Thank you Stumptown.
Busy, confused and anxious can only describe the way I feel right now. Ah well...
NYC Countdown: 49
LIFE RULES BECAUSE OF THE FOLLOWING:
- New Wait In Vain track 'Seasons'
-New VERSE track 'The New Fury'
-Bailey Gatzert
-New Friends
-Old Friends
-The Big Apple
Thursday, April 17, 2008
All Things Insane
Things have felt insane lately. I'm at this awkaward point right now where nothing makes sense, but makes sense at the same time, especially in terms of finding little connections and motivators that seem to fall in line with the way my life is going right now. If you don't get it you can only imagine how lost I am.
The last two days have official sealed the deal for two of the crazier/intense things that I have experienced. I am going to roughly try and paraphrase the different feelings and happenings that have caused this near emotional rollercoaster.
-Tuesday, April 15:
As part of my Addiction Studies class we are required to attend two different support groups for people facing addiction. So myself, my roommate Mark, and two other students decided to attend an Atheist/Agnostic Alcoholics Anonymous. As soon we arrived I began to feel real nervous and anxious, not really knowing what I would experience. Upon getting there I introduced myself to the first person we saw who then introduced herself as Crystal. She must have thought she knew who I was because she said "It's nice to see you again. The meeting is downstairs." So the four of us went down to the empty room. Crystal came down to join us, and we then told her we were students who had come to observe. At this point she began to talk with us about the program, and the different meetings this particular facility holds. Midway through her introduction she says, "We are very service oriented here. It helps to keep our minds off of things. I have to go make the coffee now, because if I don't I will want to go smoke crack." I was completely blindsided by this comment. She then followed up this comment by saying that there may be people who will ask who or why we are here, and may even seen upset by the fact that we were here. She just reminded us to mention that the meeting is listed as "Open", meaning anyone is able to attend. This should have been a signal of what was to come.
Three minutes later the "moderator" of the meeting comes in, seemingly very unorganized and absent minded. We introduced ourselves, and he seemed ok with our attending. Others began arriving and 5 minutes later the meeting began. The "moderator" read the preamble, and generalities of the meeting. He then began his story. He didn't make it 2 minutes into his story before he stopped, looked at us and said "You know what, four of you is too many. Two of you just need to leave. We can't handle all four of you." So, Mark and I began to gather our things and go and BLAM! Crystal begins yelling at him saying that this is not fair for him to make this type of decision because it is an open meeting, and that some of the other people may want us there. Long story short. A 7 minute yelling debate ensued. The four of us sat silently. My hands were gripped tightly together, not really know what to do or when to speak up. The shouting match soon spread to the others in the room proclaiming, "This is an AA meeting. This type of thing is BULLSHIT!" After 7 minutes they decided to take a vote to see whether or not they would like us to say. Everyone but the "moderator" was comfortable with us staying. We stayed, and this where everything else comes into play.
I have been fortunate enough to have never had to deal with addiction within myself, my friends or my family. Before attending the meeting I would have maybe been as naive to say that addiction was a problem of ones own self control. I would have been both wrong and right in saying that. The stories we heard at the AA meeting were some that had me on the verge of tears, while it had others on the verge of leaving the meeting to drink. We were told stories of individuals being addicted to crack since 13 years old (and are now 50), people loosing their entire families, lives, money, everything because of the way they had lost control both with alcohol and crack. For me the most crushing part of it all was hearing a 50 year old man say that he had dreams, hopes and ambitions for his life but he has ruined all possibility of those things due to the actions he has taken. He talked about how he would get depressed, and upset then go out for his next fix. He would then be coming down, look in the mirror and realize he was just as, if not more, depressed and alone as he was before doing drugs and drinking. He said he looks in the mirror and the only thing he knows himself as is as a 50 year old with little to nothing, who has been and is addicted.
I noticed one common theme within everyone's talks that evening. AA was all that they have. Crystal was turning herself into jail the next day for a crime she did not commit, but has been convicted. Another man, a graduate from Sealtte University in the '60's was at his third AA meeting of the day because it is the only thing that helps to keep his mind of his addiction. Another man had just moved here after his house in Philly burned down, his first partner died of aids and has been sober for 12 years, yet still needs to attend AA. The implications of community and human connection from those who spoke about their experiences are huge. I am sure I did a very poor job at recreating the emotions I felt. I literally sat there hands clenched together, toes constantly tapping and eyes watery.
I have never been happier to know that I somehow have found a lifestyle where I have been intrinsically motivated to avoid substances that I know 100% I do not need. I never ever want to be caught in a situation where I have lost my ability to think on my own, or control the way I feel. I want to be able to push myself to reach a feeling of happiness and content about myself and the world around me without having to depend on some substance to facilitate. Long live my edge!
-Wednesday, April 16th:
The day was shaping up to be a pretty good one. I woke up early, did some homework, conducted a mock principle interview with my Teach For America placement associate and "did a very good job", ate a sweet PB&J, played a little Wii. No too much of what I was supposed to be doing to keep me a little sane. Then I had to table to the Children's Literacy Project. I had a great conversation about education with Kyle Smith, another SU student, about the state of education, a lack of emphasis on education from our society, and mediocrity as one of the biggest challenges to overcome when working with students. GREAT CONVERSATION!
The day was only going to get better knowing I was going to see Blacklisted later that evening. I got home from class, the sun was out and it ruled! Wilrfred and I went on a bike ride to Safeway where we met up with Mark. Then all three of us dominated the streets on the way home (two bikes and a dude on a skateboard) taking up a whole lane on 15th cruising in the sun. What a great feeling. After getting home we had to go and meet Mosher Matt downtown for a ride to the show. He was an hour and a half late, but Mark and I made the most of an adventure downtown. We hung out in the Seattle Public Library for a while, went to this rich gym club at the top of the Key building or something, then went to the 74th floor of the Columbia tower. It was fun. I am going to miss Mark.
At the show there was this girl I don't remember having ever seen or met before, and she kept looking at me. Turns out she is from Budapest and has been staying in Seattle for a month, and has seen me around Capitol Hill. So she came over to me, introduced herself and we talked. She was really, really nice and it was crazy meeting and talking with someone from so far away. She had a lot of interesting stories, and of course somehow the conversation turned to education. We talked about the educational system here compared Hungary. It ruled!
BLACKLISTED! The show was wild. I had a great time. Vanguard played really well. They will be a band, and a good group of dudes I am going to miss. But BLACKLISTED. Oh man. I had been waiting for this show. Something out Blacklisted's music gets me going. Maybe it's the human emotion and ambiguity of the lyrics to the human experience, or the intensity and heaviness of the music. Whatever it is, it gets me going. So I had a great time. Running around, singing along and seeing a ton of friends I hadn't seen in a while. After the show I went up to ask George about the meaning behind the last four lines of the song 'Memory Layne'. I didn't really have any expectations for this conversation except that he would tell me how he came up with the four lines and what they are about. Little did I know that I would find this almost eerie connection to the song in a way that I would have never have guessed.
Below are the four lines of this song that for some reason when I first heard them I instantly felt some sort of connection. For me these four lines hit the nail on the head in terms of the way I often view the world, and the things that I am involved in:
NYC Countdown: 55 Days
The last two days have official sealed the deal for two of the crazier/intense things that I have experienced. I am going to roughly try and paraphrase the different feelings and happenings that have caused this near emotional rollercoaster.
-Tuesday, April 15:
As part of my Addiction Studies class we are required to attend two different support groups for people facing addiction. So myself, my roommate Mark, and two other students decided to attend an Atheist/Agnostic Alcoholics Anonymous. As soon we arrived I began to feel real nervous and anxious, not really knowing what I would experience. Upon getting there I introduced myself to the first person we saw who then introduced herself as Crystal. She must have thought she knew who I was because she said "It's nice to see you again. The meeting is downstairs." So the four of us went down to the empty room. Crystal came down to join us, and we then told her we were students who had come to observe. At this point she began to talk with us about the program, and the different meetings this particular facility holds. Midway through her introduction she says, "We are very service oriented here. It helps to keep our minds off of things. I have to go make the coffee now, because if I don't I will want to go smoke crack." I was completely blindsided by this comment. She then followed up this comment by saying that there may be people who will ask who or why we are here, and may even seen upset by the fact that we were here. She just reminded us to mention that the meeting is listed as "Open", meaning anyone is able to attend. This should have been a signal of what was to come.
Three minutes later the "moderator" of the meeting comes in, seemingly very unorganized and absent minded. We introduced ourselves, and he seemed ok with our attending. Others began arriving and 5 minutes later the meeting began. The "moderator" read the preamble, and generalities of the meeting. He then began his story. He didn't make it 2 minutes into his story before he stopped, looked at us and said "You know what, four of you is too many. Two of you just need to leave. We can't handle all four of you." So, Mark and I began to gather our things and go and BLAM! Crystal begins yelling at him saying that this is not fair for him to make this type of decision because it is an open meeting, and that some of the other people may want us there. Long story short. A 7 minute yelling debate ensued. The four of us sat silently. My hands were gripped tightly together, not really know what to do or when to speak up. The shouting match soon spread to the others in the room proclaiming, "This is an AA meeting. This type of thing is BULLSHIT!" After 7 minutes they decided to take a vote to see whether or not they would like us to say. Everyone but the "moderator" was comfortable with us staying. We stayed, and this where everything else comes into play.
I have been fortunate enough to have never had to deal with addiction within myself, my friends or my family. Before attending the meeting I would have maybe been as naive to say that addiction was a problem of ones own self control. I would have been both wrong and right in saying that. The stories we heard at the AA meeting were some that had me on the verge of tears, while it had others on the verge of leaving the meeting to drink. We were told stories of individuals being addicted to crack since 13 years old (and are now 50), people loosing their entire families, lives, money, everything because of the way they had lost control both with alcohol and crack. For me the most crushing part of it all was hearing a 50 year old man say that he had dreams, hopes and ambitions for his life but he has ruined all possibility of those things due to the actions he has taken. He talked about how he would get depressed, and upset then go out for his next fix. He would then be coming down, look in the mirror and realize he was just as, if not more, depressed and alone as he was before doing drugs and drinking. He said he looks in the mirror and the only thing he knows himself as is as a 50 year old with little to nothing, who has been and is addicted.
I noticed one common theme within everyone's talks that evening. AA was all that they have. Crystal was turning herself into jail the next day for a crime she did not commit, but has been convicted. Another man, a graduate from Sealtte University in the '60's was at his third AA meeting of the day because it is the only thing that helps to keep his mind of his addiction. Another man had just moved here after his house in Philly burned down, his first partner died of aids and has been sober for 12 years, yet still needs to attend AA. The implications of community and human connection from those who spoke about their experiences are huge. I am sure I did a very poor job at recreating the emotions I felt. I literally sat there hands clenched together, toes constantly tapping and eyes watery.
I have never been happier to know that I somehow have found a lifestyle where I have been intrinsically motivated to avoid substances that I know 100% I do not need. I never ever want to be caught in a situation where I have lost my ability to think on my own, or control the way I feel. I want to be able to push myself to reach a feeling of happiness and content about myself and the world around me without having to depend on some substance to facilitate. Long live my edge!
-Wednesday, April 16th:
The day was shaping up to be a pretty good one. I woke up early, did some homework, conducted a mock principle interview with my Teach For America placement associate and "did a very good job", ate a sweet PB&J, played a little Wii. No too much of what I was supposed to be doing to keep me a little sane. Then I had to table to the Children's Literacy Project. I had a great conversation about education with Kyle Smith, another SU student, about the state of education, a lack of emphasis on education from our society, and mediocrity as one of the biggest challenges to overcome when working with students. GREAT CONVERSATION!
The day was only going to get better knowing I was going to see Blacklisted later that evening. I got home from class, the sun was out and it ruled! Wilrfred and I went on a bike ride to Safeway where we met up with Mark. Then all three of us dominated the streets on the way home (two bikes and a dude on a skateboard) taking up a whole lane on 15th cruising in the sun. What a great feeling. After getting home we had to go and meet Mosher Matt downtown for a ride to the show. He was an hour and a half late, but Mark and I made the most of an adventure downtown. We hung out in the Seattle Public Library for a while, went to this rich gym club at the top of the Key building or something, then went to the 74th floor of the Columbia tower. It was fun. I am going to miss Mark.
At the show there was this girl I don't remember having ever seen or met before, and she kept looking at me. Turns out she is from Budapest and has been staying in Seattle for a month, and has seen me around Capitol Hill. So she came over to me, introduced herself and we talked. She was really, really nice and it was crazy meeting and talking with someone from so far away. She had a lot of interesting stories, and of course somehow the conversation turned to education. We talked about the educational system here compared Hungary. It ruled!
BLACKLISTED! The show was wild. I had a great time. Vanguard played really well. They will be a band, and a good group of dudes I am going to miss. But BLACKLISTED. Oh man. I had been waiting for this show. Something out Blacklisted's music gets me going. Maybe it's the human emotion and ambiguity of the lyrics to the human experience, or the intensity and heaviness of the music. Whatever it is, it gets me going. So I had a great time. Running around, singing along and seeing a ton of friends I hadn't seen in a while. After the show I went up to ask George about the meaning behind the last four lines of the song 'Memory Layne'. I didn't really have any expectations for this conversation except that he would tell me how he came up with the four lines and what they are about. Little did I know that I would find this almost eerie connection to the song in a way that I would have never have guessed.
Below are the four lines of this song that for some reason when I first heard them I instantly felt some sort of connection. For me these four lines hit the nail on the head in terms of the way I often view the world, and the things that I am involved in:
How do you criticize, when you stand so safe inside?
How do you climb, when you built your walls so high?
How do you fight, when your hands are firmly tied?
How do you rise when all you know is the downside...
After approaching George, his explanation of the song and those lines was something I wasn't really expecting to relate to my life right now. He began to explain the meaning of the song and how it was about someone he used to know and how they left to do Teach For America in Houston. Obviously there is a little more to the story that I am leaving out, but I just found it really weird that in this confusing time in my life something I felt a strong connection to is inadvertantly connected to what I am about to do. Some friends said, "whoa that is weird" while a couple of others told me that it was a dumb story. Just thought I would share it. I thought that the connection to the song for me and story behind the song was one I wouldn't have ever been able to guess.
NYC Countdown: 55 Days
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Randoms
I started this blog because I felt there isn't a day that passes by when a billion little things creep into my head and provoke thinking. Yet, I still sit here "ready to write" and everything slips my mind. I think this is due to the combination of being spread so thin doing different things, and my growing sernioritis. With that in mind I am just going to bullet some of the things going on. Maybe one day I will get better about writing coherent blog entries with some sort of substance.
- I have been working on a conference to be held at Seattle University about advocating and working towards educational justice. It has been keeping me fairly busy. When I first thought about the conference I had no idea it would grow to the degree it has. It will feature key note speakers Paul Loeb, Gary Howard, and Michael Vavrus. Should be pretty awesome.
- I have been working on a conference to be held at Seattle University about advocating and working towards educational justice. It has been keeping me fairly busy. When I first thought about the conference I had no idea it would grow to the degree it has. It will feature key note speakers Paul Loeb, Gary Howard, and Michael Vavrus. Should be pretty awesome.
- I seemingly have a million things to do/read for Teach For America before leaving Seattle. All of which include mock principal interviews, reading 1,000 pages of pre-institute work, actual principle tests, and certification testing in May.
- The second issue of The Catalyst newsletter is coming out tomorrow. This is a social justice newsletter I have helped start and worked with the last couple of months. So far, so good. I think it was much needed. This month's issue is immigration. Next months will be.... EDUCATIONAL INEQUALITY! Stay tuned.
- I am going to hear Greg Mortensen speak in 15 minutes. I am excited. Check him out, he has built schools for girls in Pakistan and Afghanistan. Read his book Three Cups of Tea.
- Tonight I am going to hear Jeff Sachs speak on campus. Check out his book "The End of Poverty".
- School hasn't been too bad this quarter. I have started to concentrate more on spending time with people I know I will not be seeing for a while, if ever again after graduation. This has been awesome because I feel that the last two quarters I spent way too much time busying myself. So it is time for me to take a step back.
- There was a documnetary on National Geographi about straight edge last night. The first ten minutes were cool. It included some people from the NW, Verse, Have Heart and The First Step. After that it seemingly went downhill, focusing on the "violent side" of straight edge, terrible Reno edge bands, and whack kids moshing in hockey masks... This morning at work someone stopped by the desk and said, "I watched the scariest documentary on straight edge last night. I hope you're not into stuff like that." Thank you National Geographic.
- Grave Maker: I miss Brian and Wayne a lot. They have been gone for about a month or two now. Just recently saw a video of Grave Maker performing 'Time Heals Nothing' in Guatemala City. It was pretty crazy, kids were into it. I can see these dudes blowing up very shortly.
-Blacklisted in 6 days.
Well my work shift is over, which means this entry is at an end. Today is PACKED with stuff to do.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Chris
I have worked with an 8th grade student named Chris since October. In the beginning he was 100% defiant, and unwilling to work with me. It has taken me months to have him come around. I enjoy every Monday and Wednesday when we get the chance to hang out and work together. He is very, very far behind in most of his school work. So for the past couple of months we have worked fairly hard on increasing his organizational skills, and his being on top of class assignments. It seemed to have been working well.
Today I found out he has not been to school in almost two weeks. I spoke with one of his teachers as to whether or not he was at school today. She said that he most likely was not and that he "probably has decided to give up because he is so far behind. He knows his situation." It is moments and times like this where my heart literally breaks.
Why is it that this 8th grade student is so far behind? Why does it seem that even his teacher has given up on him? What is holding him back from fulfulling the potential I know he has because I have seen it in our one on one work? Right now I am somewhere between teary-eyed and extremely heated. I want nothing more right now than for Chris to show up to school on Wednesday and work. I want to see him gradute from 8th grade. I want to see him succeed.
On a side note. I have 66 days until I leave Seattle and begin my journey to New York City where I will be a special ed teacher in America's largest school district. I am nervous. I am scared. I am confused. I am excited.
NYC Countdown: 66 days
This was a pretty loaded post...something that was on my mind all day. Hopefully the rest won't be so heavy hearted.
Today I found out he has not been to school in almost two weeks. I spoke with one of his teachers as to whether or not he was at school today. She said that he most likely was not and that he "probably has decided to give up because he is so far behind. He knows his situation." It is moments and times like this where my heart literally breaks.
Why is it that this 8th grade student is so far behind? Why does it seem that even his teacher has given up on him? What is holding him back from fulfulling the potential I know he has because I have seen it in our one on one work? Right now I am somewhere between teary-eyed and extremely heated. I want nothing more right now than for Chris to show up to school on Wednesday and work. I want to see him gradute from 8th grade. I want to see him succeed.
On a side note. I have 66 days until I leave Seattle and begin my journey to New York City where I will be a special ed teacher in America's largest school district. I am nervous. I am scared. I am confused. I am excited.
NYC Countdown: 66 days
This was a pretty loaded post...something that was on my mind all day. Hopefully the rest won't be so heavy hearted.
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